After three years of focusing on fertility treatments, and experiencing loss and disappointment time after time, we recently took the entire year off from pursuing fertility treatments. It was exactly what we didn’t realize we needed.
For three years we tried so hard to add to our family. Our trips, outings and activities were planned around my ovulation and doctor appointments. Any month where we would be out of town and not able to do an IUI, I would feel so depressed and upset.
For three years I was pumped full of hormones, given shots, taking the time to drive across town to our clinic, waiting for emails from nurses and doctors, tracking my ovulation, planning just about anything I did each week around my fertility schedule.
For three years I was an emotional wreck. My hopes were so high and then instantly dashed within moments. It was a cycle that happened every single month.
Our lives revolved around it. But I don’t regret any of it.
Because after three years, and our final round of IVF that ended in a chemical pregnancy my husband and I decided to stop. We needed it. Our bank account needed it, our marriage needed it and our two beautiful daughters needed it.
And it took three years for me to finally admit that I needed it too.
For so long I was constantly looking to the next procedure and option. I couldn’t even imagine not “trying” for a baby. I couldn’t imagine saying “this is it”. But after so many let downs, and feelings of hopelessness, I fianlly felt something else.
I felt the need to change our plans.
We both felt that we needed a break from it all.