Everyone of us is called to wait
A few months ago I was reading the visiting teaching message that my church puts out and I came upon this quote…
“We believe in families, and we believe in children”… God said unto [Adam and Eve], Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth’ [Genesis 1:28]. …“This commandment has not been forgotten or set aside in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”
As I was reading it tears filled my eyes. At first I couldn’t figure out why this hit me so hard. Then I came to realize that having children is all I ever wanted, and for whatever reason I could not “Multiply and Replenish the earth.” I felt like my infertility was preventing me from keeping all of Heavenly Father’s commandments. I have always wanted to keep the commandments. My heart was breaking thinking that there was no possible way I could keep this commandment all on my own. That didn’t feel fair. I can choose not to kill, I can choose to honor my father and mother and so on. This one, however is totally out of my hands. So I started to study to find peace and comfort. This is what has brought me the most peace.
President Uchtdorf said this…
“Everyone of us is called to wait in our own way,” “We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer.”
Infertility is full of waiting for something so good and righteous, but we have to wait, heaven only knows how long each of us will have to wait. Some may never have children in this life.
Faith in God
The prophet Alma taught, “Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 36:3).
I have definitely felt this in my own life; as I have put my faith in God- he has carried me. He has healed and softened my heart. While I am in the thick of it it is really hard to feel that comfort and peace. Many times I have asked the wrong questions and let myself get negative. Ultimately I have let Satan have power over me. Someone told me awhile ago that they felt Heavenly Father had a different plan for my life ( meaning not the cookie cutter family ). That I had a special work to do.
Heavenly Father’s Plan
Growing up I dreamed of being a stay at home mom to 4 or 5 children and to be the perfect wife. When she suggested that to me something clicked. Possibly the reason I am having such a hard time is that I’m not following Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I have been so focused on the plan I had in mind I didn’t consider asking… What would you have me do?
Elder Scott suggests asking questions like
“What am I to learn from this experience?”
“Whom am I to help?” and
“How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial?”
He also said:
“Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding and compassion, which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain” (Ensign,Nov. 1995, 16–17).
I have definitely felt the discomfort and pain. Every month, every Holiday, doctor’s visits, the list could go on and on. I love the idea of turning this time of hardship into a time to get to work, and that my Heavenly Father knows me so well and loves me so much he is willing to watch me go through these hard things so that I can change, grow and hopefully return to live with him someday.
I believe that the lord has a plan for each of us and that he loves us perfectly as we are. I believe we each have special and different missions on this earth. Those of us struggling to bring children to this earth have a special work to do. I know this will be different for each of us but how exciting to find out what great work is waiting for you. I know if not in this life we will be blessed in the next.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave this quote
“Who are those arrayed in white before the throne of God?” John the Revelator is asked in his mighty vision. The answer: “These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb” (Revelation 7:14).
Sometimes it seems especially difficult to submit to “great tribulation” when we look around and see others seemingly much less obedient who triumph even as we weep. But time is measured only unto man, says Alma (see Alma 40:8), and God has a very good memory.”
My Infertility Journey
As I look back on my infertility journey I can see the Lord’s hand in my life and I can see the reasons I “had to wait”. I can also see the blessings I have received as I have turned to my Heavenly Father for comfort and peace. I am constantly amazed how searching the scriptures or attending the temple brings me the much needed revelation in my daily life.
“If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way.” – Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
At the end of the visiting teaching message it says this..
Though not all of us become parents in this life, we can nurture children of every age. We enjoy the blessings of being part of Heavenly Father’s family, and we experience the joys and challenges of being part of an earthly family. And for many, parenthood awaits them in the eternities ahead.
I hope that we will not allow Satan to discourage us, to fill our minds with thoughts of failure, guilt or that our bodies are in some way imperfect! I know that a loving Heavenly Father gives us trials for our eternal happiness. To stretch us and help us to grow. I am so grateful for the beautiful miracles Heavenly Father has blessed me with. They did not come without a struggle but through those struggles I have developed a beautiful testimony that I know Christ lives, that there is a plan for me. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of me and my needs. I also know that my life is no accident and that the trials I have gone through and the trials ahead are for my good and will help me return to live with him some day.
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