DJ and I got married in September 2009.
We’ve talked about starting a family for some time so it didn’t take long for us to start trying. I couldn’t wait to have my own little family. I never had dreams of having a hugely successful job and a crazy busy life. I’ve always wanted the white picket fence, dog, horse, and kids.
We tried on our own thinking nothing of it for about a year. I thought it would come so easy.
Everyone else around me never had to think twice about getting pregnant, so why would I?
After we were unsuccessful in getting pregnant that year I saw my DR and he suggested I try Clomid. He said because of our age and no significant history we should be successful in no time!
Ha! We were excited to try something new and hope our dream would come true.
First month on Clomid, negative result. But on our 2nd round of trying it I found out that I did get pregnant and we were overjoyed. Unfortunately we miscarried a few days later.
I was heartbroken.
How could so much joy and happiness be so devastating in just a matter of a few days? After a break of a few months we continued on Clomid, we did 5 more rounds, and were unsuccessful. I knew what was next. I can remember sitting in the car with DJ, crying saying we’re going to have to go to see a specialist. We’re going to have to do IVF….I can’t do that…I just can’t. Our DR had done what he could and we were referred to see an Infertility DR.
We started our Journey at Chicago IVF.
Our 1st consult at CIVF was December 2011, Dr Jain was very confident that we would be very successful with an IUI and there would be no need to go further into IVF. We had to do the typical testing before we could start any treatment. That consisted of blood work, ultrasounds and a HSG. All of the tests were normal and we were ready to go. Before we started our IUI’s my period was late, they took my blood and we found out we were pregnant for the second time in February 2012.
Sadly, again we lost the pregnancy.
Back at it… They started us off by doing 3 cycles of Monitored IUI while on Follestim each cycle was negative. We did not get pregnant. After those cycles didn’t work we went for a consult on what to do next. That answer was IVF.
Our 1st IVF Retrieval was 7-2012.
They retrieved only 4 follicles from my right side.
The Dr could not get to my left ovary so none were extracted from the left. I was upset by this and thought that this wasn’t supposed to happen. But like everyone says..you only need one! Only 2 fertilized and made it to day 3 so we had a fresh transfer of 2 day 3 embryos.
I was numb. I thought for sure this was going to be it.
So we went on to Retrival #2 on 9-2012. We got a decent amount of eggs this time so I was relieved. We transferred 9-2012, two five day blasts.
Transfer #3 11-12 Frozen 2 day 5 blasts.
Transfer #4 4-2013 Frozen 3 day 5 blasts. I know what were we thinking!?
Transferring 3 embryos! It was the last 3 frozen embryos we had left.
Just do it, right! My beta was to be done the following Friday 11 days to wait and see if this would work. I couldn’t wait.
That Wednesday I tested at home. For the 1st time on a home test I finally saw 2 pink lines. I had a positive pregnancy test!!! I ran in our bedroom jumping on the bed to have a very sleepy DJ follow me to the bathroom and confirm what is saw. A positive test. My 3 betas were wonderful. Each test doubled like they should. I was on cloud 9.
While at work completely glowing and happy I felt a sharp tugging pain…I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. I was terrified and I called my doctor’s office.
They had me go home and rest and come in 1st thing in the morning for an ultrasound. During that ultrasound the nurse had me look at the monitor and said, You see these 2 circles? ( now I would know they were the gestational sacs) these are we call circles of hope.
You still have a good chance.
I was pregnant with Twins.
Sadly, we miscarried.
We took a little break, we bought a house and moved.
Since that was the last of our frozen embryos we did another IVF Retrival 10-2013.
While this one we got plenty of eggs, way more than expected I also got OHSS. I was ordered extra meds to take to help ease the symptoms. I had to have daily ultrasounds to monitor the fluid building up in my abdomen. They were talking about doing a puncture to drain but the fluid started to go down. Needless to say I did not have a fresh transfer. I could barely sleep.
My abdomen was so swollen and distended I looked pregnant.
Transfer #5 12-2013 2 day 5 blasts.
This was it! It had to be it! Everyone said once you get a house you’ll get pregnant.
This had to be it! Again all the labs did what they should all was great….until I started bleeding.
I called the office because not only was I bleeding I passed a sac.
So I knew that this pregnancy was over. To ease my mind she called me in for an ultrasound.
At that ultrasound she showed me the gestation sac. My pregnancy was right there, she reassured me it was ok and a lot of women bleed in the 1st trimester.
I was so confused leaving the office. I know what is saw and I know I miscarried so how could I have seen that on the ultrasound?? Later that night, I passed the 2nd sac. My twins were gone. It was confirmed by blood and ultrasound.
I had lost my babies again.
We took some time off and In June-2014 I found out I was pregnant again!
Again the hope was there. This was it! It was a surprise and natural!! My levels rose but I had a lot of spotting. I was reassured that this happens and nothing to be to worried about. I went in for my 1st ultrasound, I hadn’t made it to this point without something being really wrong or a lot of bleeding. That made me feel better and hopeful. During the ultrasound and seeing the nurse’s face I knew something was wrong.
Then I heard words no one should here. “I don’t see anything” Maybe you’re too early.
We were scheduled for another ultrasound and blood work. My blood work showed rising levels so that was good but another ultrasound showed nothing in my uterus.
I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had to get shots to end the pregnancy. It was a health risk, they were afraid of a tubal rupture. I on the other hand just wanted my pregnancy to go on. I cried my eyes out signing the consent for the shots. I was praying and asking for more time to make sure. This was the hardest thing I’ve dealt with. I was devastated. I just kept thinking what if this was the one! After all I’ve been through why this? How can it be in the wrong place?
Why do I have to end this?
It took 3 months after that for my HCG beta to return to 0. Weekly blood draws for 3 months to remind me of what happened.
I wouldn’t wish that emotional pain on anyone.
Since I’m a fighter…
or crazy that has yet to be decided haha! We went on to do more transfers!
Transfer #6 two day 5 blasts- NEGATIVE
Transfer #7 – two day 5 blasts- NEGATIVE
Transfer # 8 – two day 5 blasts- NEGATIVE
Before my next transfer I had to do a sono hsg. To make sure all was well.
During that test we found that I had a decent size uterine Polyp. I was scheduled for a Hysteroscopy and D&C
Transfer #9 three day 5 blasts- NEGATIVE
How is this even possible??
We had 1 more retrieval covered by my insurance. So we decided to go and see a new Dr. see if they would do anything different and maybe get a different outcome.
We did a retrieval at UIC.
It was probably the worst one. I had an overabundance of eggs again, but the doctor couldn’t retrieve half of them. He got a few we were able to try with the rest were immature. I only got 2 day 3 embryos out of that and severe OHSS.
Instead of a fresh day 3 transfer we had to freeze the embryos and I ended up in the hospital over night to monitor my OHSS and I had severed dehydration. It was a horrible experience. I wasn’t very hopeful for the transfer.
Transfer #10 two day 3 embryos- NEGATIVE
6 months later, Sept 29th, the day after my 34th birthday I got a positive home pregnancy test
. I went and had blood drawn and it was positive low result but positive. Went in the following day and it doubled.
Pregnancy #6! We were very excited.
Again the thoughts of THIS IS IT we’re there and we were hopeful. It was natural, no meds! Timing seemed perfect. Then a few days after, like always I started spotting.
It was ending and I had a chemical pregnancy.
The cycles of IVF have not been easy. Aside from all the medication you have to take it’s the side effects that are a killer. Weight gain has been my biggest problem and the OHSS.
We’ve done a total of 4 IVF Retrievals.
10 Transfers. We’ve transferred a total of 22 embryos
The only that has been found is a very slight AT3 Deficiency. It’s unknown if that has been the cause of my loses or not. Future pregnancies may be treated with a blood thinner.
A friend and I started a Peer Support group and it has been going for 3 years.
I have met some amazing women and they remind me of strength and hope every day!
I may not be a success story but my journey is far from over!
I may be done with IVF but I‘m not done trying, fighting, hoping and praying.
I truly believe there is always Hope.
About the Author:
My name is Jen, I live in Indiana with my husband and 2 fur babies (cats: Chibs and Lucky) We just celebrated our 8th wedding Anniversary. I love spending time with my family and friends and time with our families horses. I’m a big movie person, and I love taking pictures! By no means am I a professional but its a fun hobby and I get to spend time with people capturing memories they’ll cherish forever. My husband and I also battle Unexplained Infertility and recurrent Pregnancy Loss. It is a battle and journey I wouldn’t have lasted day one with, if it wasn’t for my husband, family and all the amazing people I’ve met along the way. I continue to fight, I have Hope and Faith that what will be will be. Never give up!