If you’re like me, you’re about 30 years old and have been battling this condition for most of your life. You’ve tried to diet & exercise, taken Metformin, every birth control pill under the sun, and nothing has “fixed” you.
You questioned your beauty at times and wondered how anyone would find you attractive. Then, one day, you meet the man of your dreams and love begins.
Fast forward a few years and you’re happily married to Mr. Wonderful. The two of you decide it’s time to start working on your littles. You talk to your doctor and he/she gives you a laundry list of steps to follow in order to have a baby of your own.
Terms like ultrasound, HSG test, Clomid, IUI, Ovidrel, are thrown at you like water balloons. You instantly get overwhelmed and start to question the “what ifs”. What if it doesn’t work? What if my husband has issues too? What if my insurance doesn’t cover this?
On top of all of this, you have to live everyday life. You try not to think about the whole thing, but it’s hard.
Then, you get a phone call from one of your best friends. She’s ecstatic because she just found out she’s pregnant!! Of course you’re over the moon with excitement for her and her husband. She tells you how it was a total surprise and how she wasn’t expecting the test to be positive. After the phone call ends, you sit and think.
You begin to feel an emotion you’re not really sure how to explain.
It’s jealousy, mixed with happiness, splashed with sadness. You think you’re just having a moment and you brush it off. More of the same calls roll in and you’re happy for every single friend, coworker, cousin, etc. Then that same confusing emotion comes back.
You see Facebook post about cravings, and morning sickness, ultrasound pictures, and gender reveals and can’t help but cry. You wonder if that will ever be you. You get angry at your body and wonder what could you have done differently. The desire to be normal has never been more real than right at this moment.
The feeling is totally normal.
It’s 100% possible to be happy for the people in your life and to be question your own situation.
Women with PCOS don’t get to be “normal” when it’s time to have babies.
We are faced with many different factors and often times have to deal with the possibility that we may not have children of our own in the conventional way. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and even to be sad. It’s not okay to treat your friends badly or differently because they are pregnant and you are not. It’s a difficult time to be a friend because you want what they have. It’s not about attention or anything superficial like that. It’s purely the feeling of wanting your body to do what it was designed to do, naturally.
You want to be a normal woman for once. You want the memory of the romantic date night that you and your husband had that led to conception. Instead you may have the story of the doctor’s appointment when you were inseminated. At the end of it all, you have to keep a positive outlook for whatever your situation may be.
Try to think about the end result. You and all your friends will have little people running around and meeting up for play dates.
No matter your process, be hopeful for the outcome. PCOS is a daily struggle for all women who have it. We owe it to ourselves to focus on the positive and become the best versions of ourselves we can.