We recently had a follower on on our Instagram page message us asking for advice. She wanted to know how she could support her sister who had gone through failed fertility treatments.
My heart immediately ached for both sisters.
I’ve been there so many times. I have had so many failed infertility treatments.
Words cannot express the pain it causes.
But I have come to realize that the pain extends to those close around me, too. Because my family and friends love me, they hurt when I hurt. It might not be in the same way- but I I have had so many tears shed for us on our behalf from other people.
Today I would like to share a few ways you can not only help someone who has recently experienced a failed fertility treatment- but anyone going through infertility in general.
It can be hard to know what to do or say- and everyone appreciates different things- but it never hurts to be kind and go the extra mile.
If someone you love is suffering- the best thing you can do for them is to serve and love them.
It can be something big or small, but a kind gesture goes a long way.
Arrange meals to be delivered for a few days, drop off their favorite treat, send a card, or even bring flowers to them.
If they have older children offer to take them for a play date or offer to take over carpool duties for a few days.
If you are comfortable enough with someone, go their house and do laundry, clean their bathrooms or drop off groceries. That extra bit of attention that shows you someone is thinking of you is so important when your heart is breaking.
Protect your friend or family member emotionally.
What does that mean?
If you have a mutual family member or friend who recently announced a pregnancy- reach out to your infertile friend and check on them. Something as simple as a text saying:
I know you just heard about so-and-so’s being pregnant. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and love you and understand it might be hard for you.
Because even though we can be happy for someone else, we are always still sad for us.
Pregnancy announcements can be a huge trigger for those trying to conceive or experiencing pregnancy loss or a failed pregnancy treatment.
A hard “side effect” of infertility is not knowing when you might be faced with a pregnancy announcement or be surrounded by pregnant women- and the emotions it might bring up.
Nobody likes to hold back tears or force a smile only to go home and cry into their pillow- but we’ve all been there.
Not being able to be completely “okay” with someone else getting pregnant sucks. Pregnancy is a happy time and we wish so much not to feel the automatic hurt that comes along with it.
Instead of offering advice- just offer your love.
Be a shoulder to cry on, let it be known that you are there for them as they need you.
Tell them it’s okay to be sad and mad and to let it all out. Don’t make them feel bad for how they are feeling.
If they want to talk- be there to listen.
Cry with them, hold their hand, give them hugs. You may not be able to understand what it is like to not be able to get pregnant but something we all have is the power to have sympathy and that can go a long way.
I hope these ideas are helpful and that it might spark something inside of you to help you be a support to your trying to conceive loved ones.