On Instagram last week we posed the question…
Has infertility been your biggest trial?
Molly was one of only a few who answered No. She opened up and shared her biggest trial with us and said we could share her special story with you..
“Five years ago I got a phone call that changed my life. My Mum, My best friend, was rushed to hospital with a suspected stroke. They discovered a mass bleed on the brain caused by numerous brain tumors. My mum was diagnosed with 4 inoperable brain cavernomas and told she had a 15% chance of survival that day, age 49. She defied the odds and continued to fight and has continued to battle till this day. Her diagnosis and that day changed me as a person. Later I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had this overwhelming and desperate need to start a family while my mum was still alive. I needed her to meet her grandchild. So we began TTC, and as time passed we realized something was wrong. That is when I was diagnosed with PCOS, failed clomid and continue on this cycle ahead of IVF next spring.
Every single day is a race against time to beat infertility vs losing my mum and her never meeting her grandchildren. It’s also a battle of anxiety…. Sheer terror of what is to come and sometimes a deep dark depression.
Through all of this I have found TRIUMPHS in being GRATEFUL for every single day that my mum is with me. For our coffee breaks, popping to the shops, her input on my shopping for redecorating or moving homes. We take challenges together like a new property renovation project where we can focus both of our energy on those projects to avoid succumbing to the fears. I try to remind myself everyday that I have been so lucky to have four more years of her regardless of infertility and to tell myself that life has given us and my family this path because we are strong enough to live it.
One day I will get my baby and no matter what else happens I’ll know my mum helped me get there in some way. Sorry if that’s a bit heavy but honestly infertility hasn’t been my biggest trial solely. There are bigger things. Grief and grieving before you have even lost someone for the fear of whats to come, combined with infertility and a desperation clinging to the hope it will be in time…..that is the hardest trial.”
Molly is 26 and living in London
The thing about Trials is they are completely individual. Molly’s story reminds me of this quote.
Thank you Molly for having the courage to share your trials and triumphs with us. I love how you are tackling your obstacles in faith so you don’t succumb to fear. Today lets send our good thoughts or if your the praying type send a special prayer Molly’s way.